i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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