We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
