Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
