After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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