i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
