We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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