oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
