He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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