If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
