just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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