I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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