we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
