i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
