I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
