You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How does one acquire holy water?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
