sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
