my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
