On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
