all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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