You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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