There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
