This is not my ceiling
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
not ubering you a puppy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
