I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
