Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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