I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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