So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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