Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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