My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
