carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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