I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
