You made me cry and you don't even care
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
