yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
