If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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