This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
