Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
