oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
