He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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