The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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