I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
