Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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