At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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