Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
