thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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