nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
