My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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