hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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