I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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