So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are a genius and a whore.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
