we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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