Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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