my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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