Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
