Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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