even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
