just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
