please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
