Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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