so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
