we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
