and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
