It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
