Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
