I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize