i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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