"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
