does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
