just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
