i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
