You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
