i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
