I'm drive I can fine osifer
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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