I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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