i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
