Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
