dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
