Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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